Sometimes

Dear Baby Boy,

...sometimes you wake me up kicking before the alarm goes off, but it's okay because I enjoy feeling you inside of me.

...sometimes you wake me up kicking before the alarm goes off and it's not okay because I'm tired and want to keep sleeping.

...sometimes I go into your room just to look at the little baby clothes we have and imagine you wearing them.

...sometimes I get really excited for you to meet your grandparents, aunts and uncles and to see them love you.

...sometimes I get scared for you to leave the womb.

...scared of being entrusted with your life.

...scared that things will change between your father and I.

...scared that I'm too selfish to be a good mom.

...scared that we won't have money to support you.

...scared that my body will never be the same again.

....sometimes I get distracted in class watching my belly move.

...sometimes your father reminds me how beautiful God's plan is and that YOU are a big part of that plan. 

...sometimes I'm selfish and don't want my life to change.

...sometimes I can't wait for my life to change as you take the place of my school and work and I get to dedicate myself 100% to your happiness and success.

...sometimes I wonder what you will look like and what kind of personality you will have. 

...sometimes your father kisses my belly and talks to you and it makes me so happy that he is your father.

...sometimes I spill things on the floor, on me, on the couch... 

...sometimes it's difficult to shave my legs because you get in the way.

...sometimes I forget things that I'm supposed to do or bring with me when I leave for the day.

...sometimes I should be doing homework, but instead I write a blog post that will mean more to me in 10 years than my homework will.

...sometimes your father tells me I'm beautiful even though my body has completely changed.

...sometimes I realize that choosing a baby name and dealing with the opinions of others is a lot more stressful than I ever would have imagined.

...sometimes I wonder what you are doing in there, where your head is, where you baby bum is, if you're comfortable, if you're okay... 

...sometimes I forget that you are really truly inside of me.

...sometimes I can't fully express how grateful I am for so many beautiful blessings that fill my life.

...always I'm thankful for Jesus Christ because he makes all the "what ifs" that fill my mind okay.

...always I kneel down and pray and thank Heavenly Father for giving you to me. 

I love you baby boy.