Accepting

I just had a moment. One of those mom moments that you hear about. One of those moments that makes it all worth it. Just a simple moment. Probably nothing that merits much attention from the rest of the world, but one that I can cherish. Shae was being cranky and as I tried to calm him I pulled him close to my chest with my hand on his head and rocked back and forth. He calmed down and I just kept holding and rocking him. As I did so, I had my mom moment. 

This week I've realized that I need to accept my new role as a mother. I realized that I was getting mad at myself so easily for not being able to spend as much time on school, or for not working as much as I was before, or for not cooking dinner as often as I would like, or all of those together. But then I realized that IT'S OKAY. I can't do everything I did before in the same way that I did before and that is OKAY. 

We went to the temple on Saturday and I couldn't stop thinking about how I need to accept this new role that I am in and treasuring it as the precious blessing that it is. Not gonna lie, it's a pretty drastic life change from one day to the next. I went from being able to work and do schoolwork with no problem for 8 hours a day, to feeding a child for 8 hours a day. And you know what, that is OKAY. 

Some days I feel like I do nothing. Then I hold my child as he calms himself on my chest as he did not too long ago and I realize that I am doing something. Accepting this new role will surely take time, but I'm starting to understand it better and appreciate it more. 

(Even when the kid teases mommy into thinking that he is asleep enough that she will get to sleep and as soon as she lies down, decides he should wake up).

And just for fun, we went on a walk last night and this was the face that kept staring up at us. That's it. I accept him. I accept motherhood. Done. Babies are cute for a reason.

(He smiled at me this morning!! yay!)