Wednesday, May 20, 2015

Late Mother's Day Post

I keep trying to write out some of my feelings/thoughts on motherhood and then I delete the paragraph. It's so hard to articulate all of the jumbled thoughts that I have about this topic that I ponder on so often. Don't get me wrong, I absolutely love being a mom. It's what I've wanted my entire life. But now that I am a mom, I realize that there is so much more that I want. Sometimes it is hard to figure out how to do all the things that I want to do while making sure that I am magnifying my calling as a mother. All in good time. I know that a day will come where I can go back to school, travel, not leak milk all over my clothes, teach English, read books, wear my jeans again, go to the bathroom without interruption, etc. It's hard to not focus on the things that I want.  And as much as I try to figure out how I could possibly go back to school or work more than a few hours a day from home, I always come back to the same thing... More than anything else right now, I want to be with my kids. I really do. That's what I always come back to. I want to know how long they sleep, what they eat, how many wet diapers they have, how they got the scrape on their knee, what TV show they watched, why their pants are wet, etc. I want to be a part of it all.  As hard as it can be some days, this is exactly what I always wanted.  I feel so blessed that I am able to do it.  Although there are moments here and there where I don't "love it" per say, in the big picture I absolutely, completely, 100% DO love it. 

How could I not?
Our scared faces

I mean, I had a pretty huge role in creating these kiddos. And now I get to love them and teach them and nurture them, full time. I wouldn't have it any other way.

You know that saying that "behind every good man there's a good woman," well, in our marriage I think it's opposite. I would not be able to be the mom that I am to these wee ones if it weren't for Darin. He supports and loves me more than I ever imagined possible. He wants me to love and cherish motherhood, just as he does. At the same time, he wants me to have time for me. He wants me to continually grow and develop and learn. He is my biggest fan. As I watch him embrace and enjoy his role as a parent, it makes me want to do the same.

This cute girl saved all her smiles for inside.

Mother's day started with breakfast in bed. The boys brought me up my favorite Cinnamon Crunch bagels from Panera Bread with Hazelnut Cream Cheese.

We had a lovely time at church. Darin and I were asked to speak. I initially did not like the idea of speaking on Mother's Day (I lazily did not want to prepare anything and just wanted to enjoy the day from the side lines). In the end, I think that speaking was part of the reason that I loved it so much.  My talk was based off of Carol Stephens talk, The Family is of God. It made me think not so much about our blood family, but about how we are all children of God, we are all brothers and sisters. It made me think about service and charity to all men. It made me ponder on so many people who have been "family" to me during my life...from my own parents and siblings, to neighbors, mission companions, members in the areas I served in, my mother-in-law and sister-in-law, families who took care of me while in Chile when I was unable to speak a lick of Spanish... there are so many people who have served me and helped me feel the message that I believe Sister Stephens was trying to get across. It made me think about all the people that are/will be motherly/family influences in my children's lives. I'm grateful to know that there are people besides me an Darin who will/do love my children enough to help them through hard times and to teach them the ins and outs of life. Cause heaven knows we can't do it alone. 

So anyways...I didn't really intend to give my whole talk up there... but yes, giving the talk was great. Getting cards with Shae's little hands all over them was great. Getting a rose and cake balls from the youth was great.  Getting a flower pot, Season 4 of Dr. Quinn, and two mommy books that I have been wanting from my husband/kids was great. Coming home and playing with the kids while Darin cooked me my favorite Olive Garden meal (Chicken Scampi with Breadsticks and CHEESECAKE for dessert) was great. I really just felt incredibly happy to be at home with my little family. 

...and the food was oooohhhh so good. So glad I married a man who likes to cook, and be creative in the kitchen (he made the crust for the cheesecake out of Cookie Butter cookies from Trader Joes! --his sister kind of got us hooked on them when she bought some while out here after the babe was born).

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