Remembering

I remember sitting in my freshman Spanish class. I remember hearing many names called over the intercom as parents showed up to pick their children up from school not wanting to keep them on the military base. I remember hearing my name called. I remember driving home with my mom and brother. I remember hearing the news on the radio and not really understanding what was happening. I remember my mom explaining to us what was happening while tears rolled down her cheeks. I remember arriving home just in time to see an airplane fly into the second tower of the World Trade Centers. 

I remember everything feeling so close. New York. The Pentagon. Pennsylvania. I remember schools and airports being closed, sporting events postponed or cancelled, Disney World being closed. I remember  walking outside and feeling something different than I had that morning when I left for school. I remember the silence in the air as the usual airplane filled sky was quiet. I remember going with my mom to a red cross station that was filled with people giving blood, trying to do whatever they could to help. 

I know that there are terrible things that happen every day. I know that many terrible things have happened throughout the history of the world, yet there is something about September 11th that feels so close. Maybe because I remember it so well. I remember how I felt that day and the weeks following. I remember how I have felt every September 11th since then. 

I didn't realize when I woke up this morning that I would be in tears before nine o'clock. Perhaps being a mother makes this year seem that much harder than the rest. I was watching the news while nursing my baby, listening to some of the survivor firefighters tell their story when I burst into tears. Shae looked up at me confused and watched me cry. Clearly not understanding why his mother was weeping, he shined his two-tooth baby grin at me and laughed. I couldn't help but smile and laugh with him as I held him close thinking about all the lives that were lost that day.

It's days like today that make me feel terrible for complaining that my baby decided to wake up at 5am again. It's days like today that make me grateful for my belief in a loving and active God and Jesus Christ who truly can heal all wounds and bring understanding to the sadness and confusion that abound in the world. My heart really does hurt for those who lost a loved one that day. My prayers and thoughts are with you this day.